


Centuries of Feelings

by Alitomy



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Gen, bookers feelings are reflected in the weather, bookers reflection of his life through the centuries, he doesnt know why and neither do i, not edited bc i cant be arsed but plz enjoy, there is no dialogue whatsoever in this fic btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:46:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alitomy/pseuds/Alitomy
Summary: As a child, Sebastien always believed the weather reflected how he was feeling.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Centuries of Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea if this even makes sense but please enjoy!

As a child, Sebastien always believed the weather reflected how he was feeling. How else would he describe the sun shining bright, baring down its warmth as he ran around the fields with his sisters? The heat that left red patches on their skin for days never brought them down, never made them weary, and no matter how many times their mama would tell them to cover up, they always felt more alive when in their undergarments, running through the tall grass that licked at their ankles. 

~

As he grew up, the weather turned milder. No longer was the sun burning so hot it left redness on their skin, but rather it was subdued by light clouds. Sebastien frowned whenever shadows were cast across the land and he was in a good mood, the light outside his reading window more subdued than he was used to. He couldn’t explain the way he felt when the light dimmed, but he convinced himself that he was okay, that he was happy. 

~

On his wedding day, and the days of the birth of his three children, the sun bore down on the earth just like it did when he was a child. Sebastien relished in the warmth the sun provided as he watched his Marie walk down the aisle, soon to be his wife. She was stunning in her white dress, glowing ever so brightly as she stepped closer to him. She was the light of his life. The moon in his darkness. His home when he was lost.

He loved her so deeply, the sun shone down on them for years and years, reminding Sebastien of his happiness, of his growing family, of spending the rest of his days with the woman he loved. 

His soulmate. 

~

Russia brought him snowstorms. Sebastien was freezing, starving, and prayed to God that he got to go home soon. To his Marie, to his children, to warmth. 

He was hung instead. 

The snow had stopped momentarily, and the row of deserters were sentenced to hang as punishment. The sky grew darker by the minute as the captain read out his speech, and Sebastien trembled slightly, knowing his end was here. He closed his eyes and remembered his family eagerly awaiting his return to France. He thought about Marie, the warmth shining on them as they lay on an old rug, eating cheese and drinking wine as their children ran amuck in the field that joined to the back of their yard. He thought of his children, their smiles and excited squeals as he walked through the door as he returned from work. 

He will never see them again. He was going to die right here and now, in front of his fellow soldiers who looked at him with nothing but shame. He returned his thoughts to his family, feeling the warmth of their memory spread through him, even though they were in the middle of a Russian winter, covered in snow. 

He felt the pickup of wind just before the floor beneath him fell. 

~

When Sebastien awoke, the Grande Armee had deserted their camp and moved further into Russia. He cracked his eyes open and began struggling once more, the rope still tight around his neck choking him for a second time. Within the few seconds of life he regained, he saw his fellow deserters hanging limply from their own ropes with no movement from any of them. Sebastien had to find a way to untie his hands from their bonds, and by no light feat, he managed to gather up the energy necessary to pull himself up the rope and back onto the platform he was dropped from. 

Slipping the rope from his neck, he collapsed heavily onto the wood, coughing dryly as he licked his lips. God, he was parched. He rolled onto his back and stared at the sky, a dark grey covering every inch of the world above, a stark contrast to the blue skies he remembered in France. As if triggered by his memory, the clouds parted and rays of sunshine bore down upon him, and Sebastien couldn’t help but wonder what kind of sick joke the earth was playing on him, as his eyes closed and he drifted into nothingness once more. 

~ 

The thunderstorms returned as each member of his family passed. First his wife then his children, in the order they were brought into this world. The rain lashed at the windowsill of his now empty home, thunder clapping loud enough to wake the heaviest of sleepers, yet Sebastien couldn’t bring himself to care. He was numb. He was lost. He was cold, and he was in the dark. 

Both figuratively and literally. 

He had no candles to light. 

It was the worst bout of rain France had seen in years, the torrential rain flooding streets and destroying crops. It went on and on until those in his dreams showed up at his doorstep for the second time. 

There was a small break in the clouds, and the rain had eased, allowing blue skies and sunlight to shine through for hours. 

~

Over the centuries, the weather remained constant. Neither too warm nor too cold, wet nor dry. As he travelled with the others, Booker found himself in a state of mildness. He wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t depressed either. The others understood his grief of losing his family, but Booker found that they didn’t quite grasp the level of loneliness he experienced when they split off for breaks between jobs. 

Joe and Nicky always went off together, to Malta, to Egypt, to Australia. They had asked Booker if he wanted to tag along, but he knew better than to accompany them on a holiday. He didn’t want to stumble in on them one day that could scar him forever. Which was now a real possibility. 

Andy sometimes stayed with him on their breaks, choosing to down a few bottles of alcohol by his side as they watched trashy action movies or football games, both of them choosing to stay on the same continent for a while. Most of the time, Andy fell off the face of the earth and didn’t return until it was time, and Booker was left alone to wallow in the sky growing darker by the hour, and the frosty wind picking up as he pulled on his woolen jumper. 

~

Years had passed of gloomy skies and frosty conditions in Paris, and Booker sat on his reading chair next to the large window in his apartment. He stared out the window at the sky, watching as the clouds moved slowly but surely, and separating ever so slightly. It was raining steadily and had been for quite a few days, and Booker knew the gloomy skies were only temporary while he remained sober. Being sober allowed him to recognize his emotions, them usually being of loneliness and depression, which the weather replicated with no trouble. 

In the years he had been outcasted from the team, _his family_ , the weather had barely been perfect. It was always cold and wet, and in summer it barely got to a hot enough temperature that the locals were complaining of how it ‘wasn’t a real summer’. Booker scoffed and swished his barely touched drink in its glass, frowning at the golden liquid he had grown so accustomed to, before looking back out at the sky. 

The grey clouds had moved enough to allow the bright blue sky above show through, though it was still raining, the sunshine made Booker smile, as he remembered the times he was happiest. With Marie, with his children, with Joe and Nicky and Andy, and now, Nile. Booker was reminded that though he brought this isolation upon himself, he knew they’d be waiting for him at the end of it. 

After all, sunshine in the midst of rain was a call of hope, even in the darkest of times.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i slipped australia into joe and nickys travel list bc i am from australia and we never get nice things xD 
> 
> follow me on tumblr: alit0my


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